TWENTY CRINGES
Oh, we have seen been a
few! Players and fans alike enjoy a good laugh and there have been some moments at Riverwalk that have
been worth the price of admission even if they weren't the stuff of
promotional legends. I want to know how many of these were you there for?*
THAT NAME THO'
The cringes started even before the
first pitch was thrown. In spite of its later popularity, when the team
name was first announced in front of a local crowd, Montgomery fans were underwhelmed and many
were forced to use their thinkers to decide if they were being made the butt of some obscure yankee
joke.
 |
| original Biscuits concept art |
That feeling didn't get erased when it was later learned that the name was suggested by the spouse of a front-office staffer who later became the team GM. Which kind of made the whole "Name the Team Contest" a sham and was the opposite of a good first impression.
MISS GRAVY
 |
| Owner with 1st Miss Gravy |
After one season the original pig was placed on waivers, replaced with a non-similar pig due to "being too
large". Biting staffers and fans wasn't among the listed reasons for either of the Miss
Gravy's eventual DFA, though she certainly built a reputation for such. The Duchess of Pork had plenty of cute factor but the aroma was simply too "fairground" for the ballpark.
 |
| Miss Gravy 2 |
 |
| Sweet Lou meets the Dr. |
However,
it seems Sweet Lou divested himself of Biscuits shares quickly after
the initial burst of excitement. Maybe he realized he had a little too much...
SHERRIE
The first three or four seasons saw the Biscuits handily become the most popular minor league brand, but soon after that things changed as the husband and wife team split up. Sherrie got the Biscuits in the settlement and handled Montgomery like an unwanted stepchild. The Biscuits were reduced to a laughingstock for the shoddy treatment of players, coaches, umpires, employees and city liaisons. To say nothing of the fans, who bore the full brunt of rising costs and sinking standards at the ballpark.
How bad was it? Here are a couple highlights from the cringe files:
LET EM BE HOT
WANT SOME CANDY, COACH?
You can be sure at least one of the coaches loudly voiced their opinions.
NOT GOING AWAY OKAY BUH BYE
Personally, my cringe-worthy moment with Sherrie came when I asked her about the possibility of the Southern League teams expanding or relocating ahead of what would become the new Biloxi franchise. She shot me a look, then talked to the table about regional MLB television rights before saying "IF Biloxi gets a team, it won't be any time soon, not in the next few years" and dodged any follow up questions. A few weeks later at the league owners meeting, Sherrie voted in favor of the sale of the franchise and its location, which indeed doomed Mobile's double-A team and brought Biloxi into the league.
After that I
referred to her mostly with references to the team owner in the movie
Major League. It became obvious in her interviews that she had little love for the team or city and indeed it turns out we probably were the butt of some yankee joke.
 |
| with Lou DiBella, we love that guy! |
Not
too long after that I successfully predicted the sale of the Montgomery
baseball club and Sherrie's much anticipated departure. It was obvious she wanted no part of Montgomery and the running of the baseball team had become a burden.
Since the sale,
fans have embraced the new ownership headed by the very down-to-earth Lou DiBella, who has been
a fantastic steward of the franchise and works hard to be a good
neighbor in his role as Biscuits owner.
NO! BAD DOG!
Then, to the amazement of all around, a team staffer took umbrage and shouted angrily at the players to return to the clubhouse with "NO! NO! Go BACK!! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO!" in the manner of an aggressive master who has caught his dog pooping on the carpet in front of company.
After
the team had its nose rubbed in their celebration, Montgomery was
quickly swept in the playoffs and did not get any more chances to party.
MEET JOE MADDON CRINGE
When the Tampa Rays came to town to face the Biscuits in a pre-season exhibition game, fans were invited to ask Rays skipper a question. Unfortunately there was no way for most of those who had intelligent questions to submit their query, as the questions were skimmed from "exclusive VIP" season ticket holders by word of mouth only.
Which meant attendees sitting in sun-drenched bleachers with real questions were ignored as Joe Maddon, architect of some of the best big league teams in recent memory and one of the leading analytics minds in the game, was quizzed about "Which is your favorite hoody?".
DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ'S CRINGE
Doug
didn't love Riverwalk and made no exceptions when playing in Montgomery,
doing everything he could to annoy and frustrate Riverwalk staff during
Lookouts visits. Yet hearing his name hacked to bits in front of the
packed house induced a beautiful big-league cringe from the former Gold Glover.
But
it wasn't like Rick didn't know how to say it. Doug hadn't exactly made anyone feel warm and
fuzzy about him. Rarely do I hear criticism of visiting team staff from
those around our park, though Mientkies reputation surely preceded him. Be that as it may, few in the ballpark were
thrilled to see the Lookouts show up and even Rick Hendrick made sure to
get a dig in. You da man, Rick!
Delmon was a touted prospect hammering his way up the ladder when he was with Montgomery in 2005. He banged out twenty homers and hit to a .336 average before being promoted to Durham. Delmon was seemingly on his way to big league stardom and indeed would make his MLB debut in late 2006.
So that set the stage for the Biscuits popular annual figurine giveaway. Delmon, a first-round pick and B'ham born Biscuit was the perfect choice. However Delmon scuttled the deal when he was suspended for tossing a bat at an umpire (see Replacement Umps Cringe below!) who had just called him out on strikes in an April game in Durham, earning a hefty suspension.
So the Biscuits
had to make a late decision to adjust for the bad Delmon press, swapping
over to BJ Upton for the giveaway. This meant a new head for the figure and explains why
the speedy Upton, who weighs 185 soaking wet, is sporting the physique
of a 240 pound slugger!
10th ANNIVERSARY SEASON
Of course everyone knows when you have an anniversary, you celebrate! And boy did the Biscuits party it up to get ready for 2013, the Biscuits tenth year in Montgomery. They must have partied hard, because when fans got to the park that April they saw the stadium emblazoned with a logo created to commemorate having baseball for ten straight seasons. However folks realized, you don't have your tenth anniversary until your eleventh year... so... tenth anniversary?
This reporter found and interrogated the artist who designed the logo, who informed me the use of the word "anniversary" was in order to please the client who had specifically requested the change.
The gameday headshot for Andrew Liberatore in 2013 was cringe as it gets. Years later I shared it on twitter and got a reply from him, thanking me for posting it because it was so epic and he didn't have it saved!
THAT PITCHER IS REALLY LOCKED IN
.jpg)
When Brett Butler was managing the Mobile BayBears in 2007 he had a cringe moment like no other after his starting pitcher surrendered a few big runs to the homestanding Biscuits.
The angry pitcher went into the mens room near the visitors dugout and slammed the door viciously behind him. The door jammed. When he didn't appear to take his place on the mound for the next half inning, a search party was dispatched.
Finding said hurler stuck in the john for the rest of the game, complete with sirens to signal the firemen arriving to axe the hinges from the door, the flustered Mobile skipper tried to explain the situation to the home plate umpire, who required Butler to bring in a reliever when the trapped moundsman could not be sprung.
Later in that series, Butler would be admitted to the hospital with a stroke. Seriously.
This vid 2007 Longoria vs Baybears is from the series that was the last for Butler as Baybears skipper and are likely to be the very runs that drove the Mobile pitcher to his sealed fate!
BOOM BOOM - OUT GO THE LIGHTS!
A great song indeed. And one evening it came to pass at Riverwalk, as the stadium lights went dark in the middle of the July 2008 contest. The who an why of the event were never revealed but for about half an hour players, officials and fans alike waited for the lights to come back on.
 |
| Lights out in Biscuitville! |
REPLACEMENT UMPS CRINGE
In one instance during a game in Jacksonville, Barons manager Chris Cron pulled his team off the field in protest, giving the forfeit to the Suns due to the officiating, or lack thereof. In Durham, a replacement ump made yet another terrible call on Delmon Young, who reportedly tossed his bat in disgust, hitting the ump and earning a hefty suspension (see above).
The replacement umps were so bad, their names were kept secret even from the media.
SHOT AND ROBBED
Biscuits pitching coach Bill Maloney was headed home to his apartment after a long game one evening when approached by a thug who demanded "Give it up". Things went south, shots were fired, the pitching coach lost his wallet and cellphone but soon gained a new awareness of the Montgomery emergency room and a cool scar on his leg.
Needless to say, Maloney did not return to the Biscuit coaching staff.
RHYNE HUGHES TAKES ONE FOR THE TEAM
 |
| Rhyne Hughes |
In the face. In an attempt to lay down a bunt during a mid-season afternoon contest, the Biscuits first baseman sacrificed more than just his at-bat to advance the runner, he gave up his natural-born teefs when the pitch ran up and in. Struck in the mouth, Hughes landed on the injured list for the rest of the year but later appeared the following season with a great store-bought smile and apparently no fear of stepping back into the batters box at Riverwalk.
It paid off, Rhyno later appeared in more than a dozen bigleague games with the Orioles!
HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL... AND LEAKS OUT EVERYWHERE
Fans were sent home disappointed one evening in 2015 when the contest between the Biscuits and Braves was suspended due to unplayable conditions. The weather was warm and the sky was clear and there hadn't been a drop of rain in days, but the Riverwalk field was soaked around first base. Players, coaches, fans and front office staffers could only watch as crews dug up the turf to determine the source of the water, a leak in an underground pipe. The lost game from the sked cost the team a first half championship.
 |
| Biscuits and Braves attend annual ceremony at the gravesite of first half hopes |
BRAX EJECTED/TRADED IN SAME GAME
 |
| Braxton Lee |
On a Sunday afternoon, a routine fly ball settled into Lee's open glove. Brax squeezed it for the out but then it dropped to the ground as he transferred it to his throwing hand. Umps called the hitter safe. Braxton argued and was summarily ejected for his protestations. Brady Williams, always known for his calm demeanor, was also sent to the showers. Lee heads up the tunnel to his locker, sits down, gets out his phone and finds a text from a friend in triple-A saying "You've been traded!" with a screenshot of the info.
Sitting in the nearly vacant clubhouse as Genesis Cabrera makes his Biscuits debut, Braxton Lee has been told nothing about any trade and goes right over to manager Brady Williams. Asking "Have I been traded?" skipper Williams knows less than Lee and has to call the Rays to learn that yes indeed the Biscuits had just lost their star centerfielder.
WIN A DATE WITH A BISCUIT Pt. 1
Popular Biscuits first baseman Henry Wrigley was the subject of a 2010 promotion that had way more going on than met the eye.
Simple in design and a basic minor-league level production, HenWrigs was well liked by the Montgomery crowd and garnered plenty of ooh's and aaah's for his defense and long home runs, especially on Thirsty Thursdays when the college crowd was turning out in force. After a few libations the ladies loved to catcall the handsome first baseman, which did not go unnoticed by the front office.
Wrigley went along with the promotion, but there was a catch involved - Henry already had a girlfriend. So a plan was hatched for Wrigley's squeeze to be slipped into the contest and win the promotion to earn a nice date with her beau for playing along. Nobody felt the need to even bother telling Henry Wrigley about it.
The fix was in!
The best laid plans of Biscuits... on the appointed evening the Win A Date promotion was thrown into chaos as Henry's girlfriend didn't show up. They looked, they called, they texted, yet could not get in touch with the pre-chosen winner. But with a big crowd on hand, the show must go on!
At the close of the seventh inning the Biscuits first baseman was asked to choose a winner. Wrigley admitted he should have paid better attention to the mid-game contest.
When I followed up on the story, Wrigs told me his actual girlfriend got the promotions day mixed up and that the winner did have a very nice dinner date with Henry.
No reports on how it went with the absent girlfriend!
WIN A DATE WITH A BISCUIT Pt. 2
Determined that the promotion just needed some fine tuning, the Biscuits tapped pitcher Chris Archer in 2011. The cringe was aided by Joe Davis hosting and Big Mo's desperate efforts to be cute, with a classic Monte Meyers appearance!
WIN A DATE WITH A BISCUIT Pt. 3
Alex Koronis was deemed the most eligible bachelor on the squad in 2012 for the third go round of Cupids contest, and was featured shirtless in this pure cringe promo vid that drove all females from the ballpark on the appointed day.
HONORABLE MENTION - CUPCHECK! STARRING RICCIO TORREZ
*excludes Richard Chamberlain!
